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The OMG! Gardening Awards 2010

Could you be a winner?

Last year I launched The OMG! Gardening Awards as a leftfield, irreverent and proudly irrelevant alternative to the straight-laced gong show that is The Garden Media Guild Awards. Well, as you can no doubt see, I’ve decided to inject fresh blood into the withered corpse of the OMG! Gardening Awards and have resurrected it from its coffin for another year.

Here’s the background. On Wednesday 1 December, the great and the good of the gardening world, along with others looking for a good time, will gather for the 250th Garden Media Guild (GMG) Awards at The Brewery in East London. After gorging on a three course meal washed down with copious amounts of wine, the 500 or so folk will wait with baited breath to see whether they have a bagged one of the coveted awards, which are available in 21 categories.

I must make it clear at this point that I am a GMG committee member and have absolutely nothing against the GMG Awards – although I’m as bitter as hell about having never won anything. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll get over it one day. But, I felt the convention, formality and the predictability of this institution needed a good kick up its backside and inaugurated the OMG! Gardening Awards (here are the 2009 results). My inspiration? The Smash Hits Poll Winners Party of yesteryear and the BRAT awards, launched by the NME music paper as a lighter hearted alternative to the corporate stuffiness that is the BRIT awards.

So, you won’t find any awards for Best Magazine, Best TV Show or Practical Book of the Year here, but you can vote in 10 really important categories, such as Worst Dressed Gardener, Tweet of the Year and Top of the Mops award for best haircut.

The awards are open to all, wherever you are in the world and are completely democratic, so please cast your votes below without fear of intimidation. The rules? Well there aren’t any, you can vote for whoever you like. Oh, I thought I should mention that after some funny business last year, I’ve employed a crack security team to ensure that James Alexander Sinclair can’t submit multiple votes using cunning pseudonyms.

The deadline for voting is 30 November. A team of statisticians have been commissioned to help me crunch votes that night and the UN have promised to send an election inspector to my house to make sure that everything is above aboard. That’s it. And remember, your votes really do count!

OMG! Awards 2010 – The categories

1 Most snoggable male
2 Most fanciable female
3 Best dressed gardener
4 Worst dressed gardener
5 Tweet of the year
6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth)
7 Comeback of the year
8 Top of the mops award (best haircut)
9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself)
10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it)

*OMG! = Oh my God! Come on granddad, get with it.

104 comments to The OMG! Gardening Awards 2010

  • VP

    1 Most snoggable male – it’s still Cleve :)
    2 Most fanciable female – Ann Marie Powell – for telling me to ‘come and grab her’ when we met for the first time at Hampton Court
    3 Best dressed gardener – JAS
    4 Worst dressed gardener – me in my allotment gear. People faint with shock when I venture into Morrison’s on the way home
    5 Tweet of the year – so many to choose from: Arabella and unfollowgate? SimianSuter for all his deliciously quick and funny twitpics? #trainclub and its variants? I’m finally plumping for the convoy of tweeters who followed JAS on his journey down to Cornwall
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth) – EmmaT – the blogosphere is a lot less fun without her :(
    7 Comeback of the year – Garden Monkey
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) – Matthew Wilson
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) – I couldn’t possibly comment
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) Toby Buckland for THAT tweet, though I suspect it wasn’t Toby

  • 1 Most snoggable male – Difficult one this. I love the thought of snogging Joe Swift, James A-S, Cleve West, Matthew Wilson and Andy Sturgeon in tandem but have to plump for one I know. Don’t want to offend, or be a Cheryl Cole about it, so will plump for outsider Tom sykes. Come on, he’s sooo fit. No in fact, I’m changing to THE GARDEN MONKEY. Now THAT would be a laugh.
    2 Most fanciable female: Again, like so many have already found, this ones tricky. Given my current situation, it’s got to be Alex Denman of the RHS. Posh.
    3 Best dressed gardener: I LOVE Monty Don’s style.
    4 Worst dressed gardener: Christine Walkden, ‘nuf said.
    5 Tweet of the year: Toby Buckland, for THAT tweet.
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth): Emma Townsend, natch.
    7 Comeback of the year: Have no idea – following on from others, s’gotta be The Garden Monkey (again)!
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut): Cleve, for having all that hair, at his age too!
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself): I have my thoughts, but will surely get into trouble if I publish them on t’interweb.
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it): It’s already a done deal isn’t it – Anne Wareham!

  • 1 Most snoggable male: Charles Hawes, of course. (and lay off, Ann-Marie Powell)(AND you, whoever you are!)

    2 Most fanciable female: Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen! Yey! Though mustn’t forget Felicity Waters; such a sweet avatar in pink scarf…Mwah!

    3 Best dressed gardener :They don’t, do they? Wellies and that… but Arabella Sock took a great shot at it at Highgrove.

    4 Worst dressed gardener : Try not to look.

    5 Tweet of the year : Got to be Simon Webster’s shot at our meadow using Elizabeth Buckley’s plan – two great creative tweeters.

    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth) : Penelope Hobhouse and all those garden makers we learned from and loved before glossy pro designers and tv celebs took over.

    7 Comeback of the year : Weeds.

    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut): Stipa tenuissima

    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) Dan Pearson closely competing here with Sara Raven..Go,Dan!

    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it): Charles Hawes. Unforgivable when he’s not careful. Why do I always get the blame?

  • Clearly Michelle W’s isn’t the lady I thought she was given her comments above…*sticks out tongue*…and I feel compelled to alter my vote to now be jointly between the equally delicious Laetitia M, Dawn I (in the intersts of GMA footsie) and Lia L (in the interests of a half of Wife Beater in the pub after the GMAs)

  • James A-S

    1. From experience it has to be Cleve West (although one can’t help but hanker after Matthew Wilson occasionally: just for a change)

    2. Arabella Sock, without a doubt.Although I have snogged that Ann-Marie Powell and she is well tasty.

    3.Cleve in a dinner jacket – he is ,however, a bit of a let down in mufti

    4. Matthew Appleby in a dinner jacket.

    5. #trainclub

    6. The Divine Ms Townshend

    7. Martyn Cox for we all thought he had disappeared off the face of the earth then, suddenly, he reappears with this.

    8. Matthew Appleby’s kitchen table Papillon style buzz cut.

    9.Matthew ” I wrote about this award at least six months ago in Hort Week and now it finally turns up here with no acknowledgement. I blame Ursula Buchan” Appleby

    10. Obviously Anne Wareham but I would like her to share it with Charles Hawes as I suspect she is right about him (she should know,after all)

  • 1 Most snoggable male > I may be a modern man but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere!
    2 Most fanciable female > Has to be the gorgeous Michelle Wheeler *Rubs palms on thighs Vic stylee*
    3 Best dressed gardener > Has to be the gorgeous Michelle Wheeler
    4 Worst dressed gardener > Bob Flowerdew
    5 Tweet of the year > For quantity and occasional quality Mark Diacono
    6 Where are they now? > No Comment
    7 Comeback of the year > No Comment
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) > No Comment
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) > No Comment
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) > No Comment

  • Sidney Crumpet

    1 Most snoggable male: Ken Crowther of BBC Radio Essex & werewolf look-alike fame (also nominated for beard-of-the-year)

    2. Most snoggable female: Christine Walkden of The One Show, oh for a peck under the mistletoe…

    3. Best dressed gardener: Martyn Cox, for owning East London’s campest collection of scarves and knitted fleeces

    4. Worst dressed gardener: Geoff Stebbings of Garden Answers magazine – for wearing full motorbike leathers to plant a tulip.

    5. Tweet of the year: For the legendary (and quick-to-disappear) “It’s true… Carol and I have a love-hate relationship” Tweet, it can only be Toby Buckland

    6. Where are they now: Kim Wilde, for her (failed) bid to keep hangin’ on to fame by re-inventing herself as a celebrity gardener

    7. Comeback of the year: Alan Titchmarsh, for his appearance in Alan Meets Prince Charles on BBC2, which led Private Eye to crown Mr T “Alan Titchmarse-Licker”

    8 Top of the mops award: Carol Klein.

    9. Get over yourself: Matthew ‘my-story-was-in-every-national-newspaper-because-I-flogged-it-to-em-for-hard-cash’ Appleby

    10 Me & my big mouth: Tim Rumball of Amateur Gardening mag for shouting “bollocks” during the real GMG awards

  • Stuart…Michelle put you up to this didnt she….*smells a rat*

  • I would also like to vote for Roland Paterson in the best mop category for his Fonzie coiffure
    plus I also need to vote for Mark Diacono in the new category of ‘Jolly Nice Chap who put up with my endless questions about edibles’
    plus I would like to vote for Mark Diacono in the new category of ‘Most anti-social gardener’ – with myself as a runner up
    plus I would like to vote for Rob Stacewicz in the new category of ‘Most exciting new venture 2010′ for his whizzy garden shop – The Garden Sage, Wimbleton

  • Roland Paterson

    If anyone needs any help on the hair one….. http://www.flickr.com/photos/53448054@N00/5182782544/

    C’mon!!

  • Kate B(ee)

    Right I’m changing my vote:

    3. Best dressed gardener: Arabella Sock for her hattiwats and beardibums

    5. Tweet of the year: Arabella’s unfollow tweets, especially for not unfollowing me after spider-vacuum-gate

    8 Top of the mops award: Roland Paterson DOES have nice hair.

    10 Me & my big mouth: While I hope Anne wins this, for all the best reasons, I have to change this vote reflect my HORROR at finding a tweet from Charles Hawes suggesting I play hide-the-sausage with Roland Paterson. If you missed it, you missed out…

  • 1 Adam Pasco or Tim Rumball? It’s a tough call.
    2 It’s got to be Kate Bradbury – did you see her incredibly short dress and spectacular pins at the GMG last year?
    3 Alys Fowler – anyone who can rescue a dress from a skip and look totally stonking in it is worthy of an OMG in my book.
    4 I want to be more original, but Bob F wins hands down for me. I’d also like a bit of help in this department: http://www.kevin-smith.co.uk/blog.aspx
    5 THAT tweet from Toby B left me speechless. But it was bloody brill and certainly gets my vote.
    6 Claire Bradley (I think she might have married and be a ‘Cook’ now). She was the Blue Peter gardener of my era and someone I watched avidly.
    7 Not sure. I do predict the delightful Kay Maguire will be rather a hit next year though.
    8 Martyn, I’ll let you have this one. I applaud any man who’s comfortable using hair straighteners (talking from experience, of course).
    9 I’ve got someone in mind, but can’t risk loosing work. Let’s leave it until the pub after the real GMG.
    10 It’s the same person as category 9.

    • I can understand the difficulty you’re having with number 1. I suggest you make up your mind after downing a few pints of London Pride at the pub after the GMG awards. Straighteners? How very dare you. I’ve never had curly hair in my entire life. Never, ever.

    • clare cooke

      Btw it’s Cooke with an ‘e’! i am still alive and happily gardening full time in remote corner of somerset. thanks for the vote…..

  • 1 Most snoggable male – Fred Foot (Bulldog Tools)
    2 Most fanciable female – Pippa Greenwood
    3 Best dressed gardener – Christine Walkden (a fashion leader not follower)
    4 Worst dressed gardener – Alan Titchmarsh
    5 Tweet of the year – Me, giving up Twitter for good
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth) – Alan Titchmarsh (!)
    7 Comeback of the year – Credit Cards
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) – Monty Don
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) – The RHS
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) – Matt Appleby

  • 1 Most snoggable male – has to be Matthew Wilson, looking a lot more rugged in the last year
    2 Most fanciable female – all the ladies I met at the Malvern Show were great, but didn’t feel I know them well enough to vote for them
    3 Best dressed gardener – James Alexander Sinclair – and a real gent as well
    4 Worst dressed gardener – not a fan of cords, so sorry Mr Don, has to be you
    5 Tweet of the year – lots have made me laugh, – as I always stay close to home, the #trainclub saga is amusing
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) – Cleve or Martyn
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself)- There seems to already be a winner here,
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) Anyone who makes nasty comments about bloggers as an overall group. (Anne seems very nice from her tweets, so don’t know why she has so many votes)

  • A couple of additions –
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth): Gordon the Garden Gnome. He and his slugs would have that Fifi Flowertot in a fight any day of the week.
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut): Dirt Girl, or Martyn as a runner up, or there is a pine tree in Kew gardens that has a haircut like SideShow Bob… I think I am getting confusingly cross-species and cross-genre here…
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself): I might change my vote on this but only if vexed

  • 1 Most snoggable male – James AS, mainly for his extraordinary oral hygiene regime. He flosses with strands of silk drawn from an ancient Chinese prayer flag, and anoints his breath with nutmeg infused rose water. Yum.
    2 Most fanciable female – Where does one begin in a world of such plenty? Ann Marie Powell, Lia Leendertz, Kate Bradbury, Laetitia Maklouf, Michelle T Wheeler? The list is extensive. I am also partial to a bit of cashmere….
    3 Best dressed gardener – Andy Sturgeon or Tom Stuart Smith.
    4 Worst dressed gardener – Tricky. Horticulture and style are often strangers.
    5 Tweet of the year – Simon Suter (simainsuter) has delivered some crackers, as have Mark Diacono and, of course, the mighty Sock. But I’m going for early #trainclub, before the Lia/Ann Marie backlash.
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth) The divine, delectable and irrepressible Emma T. She has her hands full but we NEED YOU BACK!!
    7 Comeback of the year – Emma T still has 2 months to win this.
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) – Ann Marie Powell. Always.
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) – Far be it from me to swim against the tide of public opinion (and because secretly he’ll be delighted to win) Matt Appleby.
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) – Anne Wareham, and long may she continue – a breath of fresh and often quite mad air.

  • As #trainclub is doing rather well in category 5, I would just like to point out that I coined the phrase. Me. Not laying claim to all ensuing #trainclub hilarity, just sayin. (See also #trainclubbacklash and #trainclubbacklashclub).

  • I’d like to change my answer to number 5 – I laughed myself silly when Arabella entered the Cluedo conversation yesterday with “It was Toby Buckland in the potting shed with a cucumber” – outweighs the terrible visions it brought to my poor innocent mind.

    Also, I do recall Kate B’s ‘hide the sausage’ tweet from Charles – those folks in Monmouthshire…tut tut.

  • Lia, I am absolutely including you, Ann Marie, Ursula, Patient, MalvernM, MTW etc and indeed all who made those early, halcyon days of #trainclub the international trending phenomenon it was. Who could forget such cherished moments as #bristolparkwayflapdisaster, @EWGardens gets sent to Doncaster and the James AS sell-out (actually I AM trying to forget that). We were all a part of it, we all made it so, we ALL deserve that OMG award. It’s just that only two of us were paid up members. Hey, I don’t make the rules, okay?

  • Cleve

    1 Most snoggable male:Having been date raped by James A-S I have only his name to put forward. I’m assuming, of course that there was a little preamble before I passed out.
    2 Most fanciable female: Bad choice of words I know but a toss up between Lia and Dawn.
    3 Best dressed gardener:Anne-Marie or James A-S…although I do think he’s modelled himself on Allen Paterson.
    4 Worst dressed gardener: Bob Flowerdew
    5 Tweet of the year: don’t follow it enough but #trainclub seems to get people exited
    6 Where are they now? EMMA T…gardening world is dull as f without you
    7 Comeback of the year: The Garden Monkey
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) Toss up between Rob and Roland (ugh…sorry)
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) Matthew Appleby it seems
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) Congratulations Anne

  • Thanks Cleve – the lock of hair is winding it’s way to you in a small brown envelope as I type…

  • 1 Most snoggable male – er, mmm, I’d rather not say!
    2 Most fanciable female – Anne Swithinbank – the perfect radio voice.
    3 Best dressed gardener – Prince Charles – exquisite cufflinks.
    4 Worst dressed gardener – Bob Flowerdew. The only thing worse than a pigtail on a man is a pigtail on an old man.
    5 Tweet of the year – don’t tweet, so don’t know
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth) Roddy Llewellyn – we miss his jolly japes.
    7 Comeback of the year. er, has there been one?
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) Joe Swift.
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) Prince Charles
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) Prince Charles

  • Most Fanciable Male – Roy Lancaster – for his brains
    Most Fanciable female – Bottled out and obstained from this one
    Best dressed Gardener – Alan Titchmarsh in his yaughtsman outfit at Chelsea (does anyone else notice?)
    Worst Dressed – Well they dressed me up as scarecrow on Blue Peter the otyher day, that might count
    Worst Tweet – God save us from this habit , all of them
    Where are they now – Mr T , off doing chat shows and talking about X-Factor
    Comeback of the year – No one in Horticulture
    Get over Yourself – David Cameron – Out to destroy our parks and the reputation of real gardeners
    Me and my big Mouth – Matt Appleby is pretty good at it , but its al planned

  • [...] is taking over this month's Gardens Illustrated has been emailing me about Martyn Cox’s OMG awards. He says: "I'm keeping my fingers crossed you don't get usurped at the last [...]

  • having now met the delicious Laetitia Maklouf would like to add her to my list for best dressed nomination for her chic skirt and boots in the snow combo.

  • 1 Most cuddly male: well, I wouldn’t throw Matthew Wilson out of my train carriage for eating onion sandwiches.?
    2 Most fanciable female: Ah, they’re all lovely.?
    3 Best dressed gardener: Is there such a thing??
    4 Worst dressed gardener: AT, he stole the Awful Award with his shiny powder blue shirt in his new TV series (my granny used to have something like that in the 1970s)?
    5 Tweet of the year: any number of offerings from the cashmere-tongued Ms Sock
    ?6 Where are they now?: Dan Pearson — did he expire from sheer earnestness and Byronic fatigue??
    7 Comeback of the year: Quinces (and next year’s too)?
    8 Top of the mops award: Joe Swift’s bonce, frugally but strategically piliated. Plus, its owner has a nice smile.?
    9 Get over yourself (person with an over-florinated opinion of him or herself): Mr Don, for mistaking the potluck Twitter picnic for a table-for-one with loads of waiters and flunkeys?
    10 Me and my big mouth: Madame Trouble Maker, Anne Wareham, of course, whose lips are never sealed, but her pronouncements invariably are, with a kiss. (Lovin’ your work, Anne, xxx!)

  • Not sure why all the extra question marks have appeared in my offering, above. But never mind, yah?

  • Lila Das Gupta

    1 Most snoggable male: I’m a married spud! I’m a married spud!
    2 Most fanciable female: Hayley Monkton – through mud and rain her sense of style is impeccable
    3 Best dressed gardener: JAS, dapper as ever, Hon. mention to Andy Sturgeon and his fetching line of flowery shirts.
    4 Worst dressed gardener: Christine Walkden, sometimes. Charlie Dimmock when not wearing a bra.
    5 Tweet of the year: There’ve been so many…
    6 Where are they now? (the blogger, gardener, writer etc who seems to have vanished off the face of the earth) Emma T.
    7 Comeback of the year: Red cabbage in the veg patch
    8 Top of the mops award (best haircut) Anne Wareham, I like colour in the garden.
    9 Get over yourself (person with an overinflated opinion of him or herself) We all know who he is.
    10 Me and big mouth (a person in the gardening world who can’t help putting their foot in it) Yes, the very same.

  • VP

    Too bad that the cold weather has come too late for us all to have another snigger at Simian’s frozen tweet from this morning ;)

  • The Garden Monkey

    Can I vote for myself six times for category seven so that I beat La Titchmarsh?

  • I will vote for you Garden Monkey in the best comeback award
    K

  • The Garden Monkey

    Thanks – I love you xx

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