The Hoardiculturist – Christmas records
Simply having a wonderful Christmas time
When the world’s collective jaw fell open (you can read how Silvertreedaze almost crashed his car at the news, here) on 13th October this year, when Bob Dylan released his Christmas In The Heart LP, I was like a pig in muck. I really couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy so I could add it my burgeoning collection of Christmas CDs and vinyl records. As a Dylan fan I’m not going to pretend this is an important work, up there with Highway 61 Revisted, Blonde On Blonde or Blood On The Tracks. Quite the opposite, in fact. After the first listen I thought, and still think, it’s truly god-awful, but that’s exactly why I love it and exactly the point of most Christmas records. Apart from a few, most are as cheesy as a quatro staggioni pizza with a mozzarella stuffed crust, but in much the same way that I ignore my calorie intake over the festive period, I pay no attention to good taste and feast on a dish of insipid schmultz, pan fried maudlin and sautéd sentimentality, sprinkled with a good handful of grated cheese to taste.
So, what’s in my Christmas music collection? Well, I’ve got around 40 Christmas CDs and even have a dedicated shelf for them on my CD wall. My iPod is stuffed with Christmas songs, from the chart-topping Stay Another Day by East 17 to the obscure Christmas At The Zoo by The Flaming Lips (a track tucked away on 1995’s Clouds Taste Metallic. I’ve created a dedicated playlist for them all so I can listen to the stuff when I’m on the move. Elsewhere, I have a thick wedge of Christmas vinyl – this includes the excellent 1965 garage rock compilation Merry Christmas, featuring The Sonics, The Wailers and The Galaxies, and the not so excellent Geoff Love’s Christmas Album, picked up for 50p in a charity shop.
During the month of December I commandeer the CD player, ensuring that nothing else but festive tunes are heard in the house. Sadly not all guests appreciate my penchant for seasonal tunes. While preparing Christmas dinner last year, accompanied by Johnny Cash singing Blue Christmas, my father-in-law walked into the kitchen and suggested that the music was far from uplifting. In fact, he remarked, “It’s Christmas! Let’s all slit our wrists”. Bah! Humbug.
Still, such sneering will not put me off. Every year I seek out some new Christmas records to add to my collection. Apart from the Dylan album, I’ve downloaded The Ventures Christmas Album, a 1965 instrumental classic. There are some storming tracks on the album, including a blistering Jingle Bells Rock and Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer, which starts off with the guitar riff from the Beatles I Feel Fine, before launching into the instantly recognisable Xmas tune.
Have a great holiday and a trouble-free Christmas day. Of course, it wouldn’t be Christmas without the odd family skirmish, but whenever the tension gets too much, reach for The Ramones 1989 LP Brain Drain, cue up Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight) and let the sage words of Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Marky restore order to your home.
“Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight,
Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight,
Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight with you”.
My 10 favourite Christmas albums of all time
A Christmas Gift For You (Phil Spector compilation)
Christmas With The Rat Pack (compilation)
James Brown – Funky Christmas
Little Steven’s Underground Garage Presents – Christmas A Go Go (compilation)
Low – Christmas
Sufjan Stevens – Songs for Christmas (5 x CD boxset)
The Blind Boys Of Alabama – Go Tell It On The Mountain
The McGarrigle Christmas Hour – Kate and Anna McGarrigle
Verve Presents The Very Best Of Christmas Jazz (compilation)
Where Will You Be Christmas Day (24 recordings from 1917-1959)
Christmas crackers – my 20 favourite festive tracks
Blind Boys Of Alabama with Tom Waits – Go Tell It To The Mountain
Chuck Berry – Run Rudolph Run
E17 – Stay Another Day
Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby
Greg Lake – I Believe In Father Christmas
Jackson 5 – Rockin’ Robin
John Cale – Child’s Christmas In Wales
John Lennon – Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Leroy Carr – Christmas In Jail (Ain’t That A Pain)
Low – Little Drummer Boy
Marvin Gaye – Purple Snowflakes
Nat King Cole – The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)
Ramones – Merry Christmas
Rufus Wainwright – Spotlight On Christmas
Sparks – Thank God It’s Not Christmas
Sufjan Stevens – Get Behind Me, Santa!
The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl – Fairy Tale Of New York
The Pretenders – 2000 Miles
The Ronettes – Frosty The Snowman
The Turtles – Santa And The Sidewalk Surfer
Episodes of The Hoardiculturist you may have missed
T-shirts
Beer Mats
Pez Dispensers
Aeoniums
Postcards
Name Badges
The two best from relatively recent times are surely 25th of December from Everything But the Girl and A Snowflake Fell (And it Felt Like a Kiss) from Glasvegas. And a special mention for David Ford’s superb, but not exactly festive, Have Yourself a Bitter Little Christmas. All featured on my Christmas shows…
Graham, I love that Glasvegas track and am currently putting together a Top 30 best Christmas tracks, which will include that, Mark Ds suggestion of Merry Xmas Everybody (the Slade version, not the terrible cover by The Metal Gurus)and Little Drummer Boy by Bowie and Crosby. Can I listen to your show over the interweb?
This is what the tinterweb was made for. What a top post. Although I have to admonish you for the lack of Slade in your top 20. One of the most criminally underrated British bands of all time. Off to investigate the ones Im not familiar with tonight
Merry Christmas
Yes, I’m beating myself up over leaving Slade out. I also love them. Me and my son watched a vid of them belting out Mama Weer All Crazy Now on You Tube this morning. Mirrored hat madness a go go.
Yes, Martyn, you can listen to my show for two weeks after it goes out – US regulations only allow two weeks, I’m afraid. Go http://TheBritMix.org – and see Recent Shows on the left. (Or you can listen live at 2am on Friday morning, UK time!) Just getting back into it after a long break, it’s the best fun.
You mean you don’t hog the CD player for the other 11 months too? Bet you haven’t got “Christmas in Smurfland”
No, but my daughter has a copy It’s A Hi-Five Christmas. I’d imagine it’s just as irritating.
I love Greg Lake’s record and John Lennon’s one (the latter because it brings back memories of a great Christmas Day where we escaped my mother and went out to the pub and then on for a late night curry!.
‘Frosty the snowman’ by contrast brings back memories of being forced to go to dance class and learn a routine where all the little girls did a stupid tap dance to it. We had to perform it on front of our proud mothers – only mine said to me afterwards “I was so ashamed, you sloped out looking miserable and were the only girl there with round shoulders!” Ha ha ha!
Arabella, I feel your pain. But give old Frosty another chance. The Spector version is sublime – maybe it was a poor cover version that led to your festive humiliation.
2000 miles and (of course) Fairytale in New York are my faves. Of the cheesy ones i have an embarassing fondness for ‘Driving home for Christmas’ just because the radio in my old car could only get radio 2 and so it was always on when i was, you know, driving home for Christmas.
You should also know that if you find yourself twittering when Graham Rice is doing his radio show, and put in a blatant enough plea, he will give you a mention, which is quite a weird horticultural-hands-joined-across-the-world, internetty kind of experience (although he might get the name of your town wrong…)
I might try Twittering when Graham is on, but deliberately give him a false place name for comidic value. Possibly Nether Wallop, Clap Hill or Little Dix.
My Christmas wish would be to dredge up two (unquestionably terrible) LPs from a backstreet charity shop: “Christmas in the Stars” (Star Wars cash-in) and “Six Million Dollar Man Christmas Adventures”.
All tragically middle-aged-male, I know, but this year I have also got my wife humming Shirley Temple’s “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”.
I want Six Million Dollar Man Christmas Adventures. What a random record – superb!
Your daughter’s eyes say it all!
She has no choice but to love the music. Actually, she does really like the Spector Christmas Album. My son’s fave is Merry Christmas Everybody.
I used to really get into Christmas songs, but really don’t care for them any more. I don’t know what happened. I’m thankful for the current chart number 1.
Merry Christmas!
Rob, as a Christmas music agony aunt can I suggest you take a dose of the Christmas album by Low or Glasvegas’ A Snowflake Fell mini LP, both are most unlike Christmas records.
Will give it a go, and let you know how I get on. With luck I’ll manage to refrain from stuffing satsumas into my ears.
Crikey, the moustache has morphed into a full set!
I have a soft spot for ‘I wish it could be Christmas Every Day’ because of the blatant brummie accents featured in the chorus.
2,000 Miles was also a favourite until I heard the worst version ever at Stourhead yesterday. I think the cold might have affected the performance.
Phil Spector’s album is absolutely the best though.
NAH was at school with the present Smurf incarnation, he might be able to put in a word for you, so you get that rather obvious gap in your collection filled ASAP.
Yes, the moustache has matured into a beard, but I’m under pressure to lose the facial hair altogether. Please put in a word for me, I love Xmas music whether good, bad or ugly, and would happily find a little gap on my shelf for it. The ker-ching of the tills at the start of Wizzard’s I Wish It Could Be Christmas are as true today, as they were back in 1974.
Having listened to your suggestions, I have to say Low isn’t for me. Glasvegas is pretty good (long song though). I just want to learn all the words so that I can replicate that amazing accent..
A favourite alternative Christmas song of mine, the ska-beats of Oi to the World by No Doubt. D’ya know it?
I’d never heard Oi To The World, but absolutely love it – here’s a link to the video on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoL1Uxwk6vc I was also delighted to discover that there’s a whole album of Californian ska Christmas songs under the same name. It’s on my list for next year. Many thanks Rob
Reggae Christmas is hilarious – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROAJ_pawMSo&feature=related
Good grief brother – I really am turning into you as I get older! Evidence is here
Olivia Olson – “All I want for Christmas is You” (not to be taken literally) – from the film “Love Actually”
or a classic album from the Trans Siberian Orchestra which isn’t what it first appears to be –
http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Other-Stories-Trans-Siberian-Orchestra/dp/B000002JX6/ref=sr_1_36?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1261475286&sr=1-36
That Trans Siberian Orchestra album is on my wish list. A lovely, sentimental cover packaging hard rocking renditions of carols. Perfect.
Massive Flaming Lips fan… so we always have them on all year round. Plus him indoors is hurting my ears with the Dylan Christmas album. Nice. Have a great one won’t you?!
Found another cool one – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wS-k66MKgs
What a corker – many thanks for your tireless work in squirreling these out. I love it and am now adding it to Ipod playlist.
I’ve had to come in to add The Waitresses’ Christmas Rapping to the playlist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QVeW7qPSGw&feature=related
They’ve copyrighted out the original, but this one features someone’s house christmas lights animated to the music!
And here’s something a little more traditional (and alcoholic) from me and the rest of the Wiltsire Wailers at Stourhead last Sunday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-hAiWKAhko
I love this too, coming on Christmas….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY
Have you seen this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg&
Excellent stuff.
Have an excellent Christmas.
James x
This is the best Christmas song ever.
http://thegardenmonkey.blogspot.com/
Bollocks – pasted wrong thing – here you go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlSsffF2xhA
I’m so pleased Santa can use reindeer to deliver pressies to the rest of the world. If I had to hear this every Christmas I’d lose the will to live.
A great post. I love Christmas songs – SomeBeans is a grump and hates them.
We used to have a Disney christmas album. By the power of the internet I’ve just found the one song on there which is etched in my mind – Jingle Bones. I was terrified of the witch laughing on it. http://www.michaelhanscom.com/eclecticism/2009/12/18/jingle-bones-from-an-old-disn/
Cheers HappyMouffetard. I do love Christmas songs, but I’m Christmas songed out. I’ve been listening to the Bobby Fuller Four today – not one mention of snow, santa or roasting nuts.
Surely one can’t go wrong with The Smiths at Yuletide? Morrissey captures exactly what the family Christmas should be about. I suggest next year you try ‘Heaven knows I’m miserable now’, ‘Girlfriend in a coma’ and ‘What difference does it make’ and try for a more traditional, British Christmas.
I can’t believe I’ve found someone with the same passion for collecting Christmas music! I’ve got about 600 CDs and vinyl and play them throughout the year. Come December I’ve had enough!
Shaky, Slade, Mariah, Pogues etc are too good to only listen to at Christmas.
Last year saw some great releases – albums by Lancashire Hotpots. Thea Gilmore, Bob Dylan, Ronan Keating, Tori Amos and singles by George Michael and The Pet Shop Boys.