
Please do not adjust your sets, Martyn Cox is currently trying to fix the fault
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![]() Please do not adjust your sets, Martyn Cox is currently trying to fix the fault ![]() Simply having a wonderful Christmas time When the world’s collective jaw fell open (you can read how Silvertreedaze almost crashed his car at the news, here) on 13th October this year, when Bob Dylan released his Christmas In The Heart LP, I was like a pig in muck. I really couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy so I could add it my burgeoning collection of Christmas CDs and vinyl records. As a Dylan fan I’m not going to pretend this is an important work, up there with Highway 61 Revisted, Blonde On Blonde or Blood On The Tracks. Quite the opposite, in fact. After the first listen I thought, and still think, it’s truly god-awful, but that’s exactly why I love it and exactly the point of most Christmas records. Apart from a few, most are as cheesy as a quatro staggioni pizza with a mozzarella stuffed crust, but in much the same way that I ignore my calorie intake over the festive period, I pay no attention to good taste and feast on a dish of insipid schmultz, pan fried maudlin and sautéd sentimentality, sprinkled with a good handful of grated cheese to taste. So, what’s in my Christmas music collection? Well, I’ve got around 40 Christmas CDs and even have a dedicated shelf for them on my CD wall. My iPod is stuffed with Christmas songs, from the chart-topping Stay Another Day by East 17 to the obscure Christmas At The Zoo by The Flaming Lips (a track tucked away on 1995’s Clouds Taste Metallic. I’ve created a dedicated playlist for them all so I can listen to the stuff when I’m on the move. Elsewhere, I have a thick wedge of Christmas vinyl – this includes the excellent 1965 garage rock compilation Merry Christmas, featuring The Sonics, The Wailers and The Galaxies, and the not so excellent Geoff Love’s Christmas Album, picked up for 50p in a charity shop. During the month of December I commandeer the CD player, ensuring that nothing else but festive tunes are heard in the house. Sadly not all guests appreciate my penchant for seasonal tunes. While preparing Christmas dinner last year, accompanied by Johnny Cash singing Blue Christmas, my father-in-law walked into the kitchen and suggested that the music was far from uplifting. In fact, he remarked, “It’s Christmas! Let’s all slit our wrists”. Bah! Humbug. Still, such sneering will not put me off. Every year I seek out some new Christmas records to add to my collection. Apart from the Dylan album, I’ve downloaded The Ventures Christmas Album, a 1965 instrumental classic. There are some storming tracks on the album, including a blistering Jingle Bells Rock and Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer, which starts off with the guitar riff from the Beatles I Feel Fine, before launching into the instantly recognisable Xmas tune. Have a great holiday and a trouble-free Christmas day. Of course, it wouldn’t be Christmas without the odd family skirmish, but whenever the tension gets too much, reach for The Ramones 1989 LP Brain Drain, cue up Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight) and let the sage words of Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Marky restore order to your home. “Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight, My 10 favourite Christmas albums of all time Christmas crackers – my 20 favourite festive tracks Episodes of The Hoardiculturist you may have missed ![]() Yule Grinner - a cheesy Christmas card As regular visitors will know, I usually post a close up picture of a plant and ask you to guess its name, but as it’s Christmas I’ve give the quiz a twist. The picture above is one of many corporate Christmas cards that I’m delighted to be sent each year. Rather than depict a robin, Santa on a sleigh or a wintery landscape, this one shows a sepia tinged, bird’s eye view of some glasshouses. Do you know the name of the nursery that sent me the card? If you do, post your answer, keep your fingers crossed and you may be a winner. If you don’t, have a wild guess anyway. As ever, there are no prizes to be won, but you will become the first winner of the Mystery Guess Christmas Special. Oh, and if you’ve been sent the same card, do keep schtum. Good guessing everyone. Ho-ho-ho! After working through the night (under the watchful gaze of a UN observer, brought in to ensure a fair and free poll), the results of the inaugural OMG! Gardening Awards 2009 have been well and truly crunched, partially digested and regurgitated. On Thursday 3 December, the great and the good, along with some that aren’t so good, of the gardening world will gather in London for The Garden Media Guild (GMG) Awards 2009. Around 500 guests will enjoy a slap up meal at The Brewery in the heart of The City and then keep their fingers [...] If you’ve ever been to RHS Garden Wisley you’ll know that it’s a most dangerous place. The 240-acre garden is the haunt of several gangs of young mums, who use its labyrinth of paths as a race track to show off their wheels (umm, buggies, strollers and prams). Yesterday, while trying to avoid a head [...] Are you fed up with autumn foliage? I know I am. After a few weeks of swooning over the fiery shades of assorted Japanese maples, cotinus and amelanchier, and in the words of The Cramps, I’m looking for a New Kind of Kick. In order to cure my autumnal blues I headed to David Austin [...] Some said it was a hebe, others that it was a eucalyptus, while one even suggested it might be the gaping maw of one of those giant sand worms from Dune. Alas, your guessing was off the mark – bagging the top spot is Ryan, whose answer of callistemon or bottlebrush, hit the bullseye of [...] You may have hoped you’d seen the last of it, but due to popular demand (well, one other blogger says he likes it) I have resurrected Mystery Guess after a lengthy absence of 17 days. If you don’t know how to play the web’s most infuriating gardening quiz, here are the rules – I’ve taken [...] In May 1985 I was mooching around Nottingham town centre with a few friends when we stopped to watch a group of leather clad buskers banging out a version of Wild Thing. For a few minutes we stood listening with a fair amount of indifference until I realised there was something familiar about the [...] |
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