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September 2017
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A recipe for disaster

I love a good typo more than most, so was over the moon when steered towards the latest (December 3) issue of Amateur Gardening. There’s an almighty howler to be found at the bottom of  the Your Gardening Week section, where AG’s resident cook gives advice to readers on how to make canapes out of winter lettuce leaves. Apart from stuffing them with cream cheese and a dash of paprika, the advice is to ‘try other fillings such as homos mixed with crushed garlic’. You can make your own minds up, but I think this is probably best avoided if you’re trying to impress guests over the festive period.

Don't try this at home

Winners of the OMG! Gardening Awards 2011

Sound the church bells. Pop your champagne corks. Start a ticker-tape parade. Voting is over for another year at the OMG! Gardening Awards. Despite a low turnout at polls (33% compared to a staggering 59% last year) there was the usual list of predictable winners, such as Cleve West bagging Most Snoggable Male for the third year in succession and James Alexander Sinclair bagging another Best Dressed Gardener award (when awards fever dies down I’m planning on consulting my legal team to see whether it’s possible to change the rules, prohibiting Cleve or James from entry in these two important categories in the future).

However, there were some surprises with Charles Hawes making a strong challenge in Most Snoggable Male (he came third) and David Domoney appearing from nowhere to take on the might of Matthew Appleby in the Yawn Chorus Award. Who wins? Well, you’ll find out shortly. And has a women grabbed the gong for best facial hair? Maybe. Oh and it would appear that our Olympic hope for 2012 is not Sir Chris Hoy, Rebecca Addlington or Phillips Idowu, but Cleve West and THOSE thighs.

Thanks to everyone who made the effort to vote and shame, shame on you if you couldn’t be bothered – you really could have made all the difference!

So, with no further ado, please be upstanding for the winners of the OMG! Gardening Awards 2011. Winners, please feel free to leave your acceptance speeches below.

Most Snoggable Male Cleve West (winner 2010, 2009).

Most Snoggable Female Dawn Isaac

Best Dressed Gardener James ‘The Flashing Blade’ Alexander Sinclair (winner 2010, 2009).

Worst Dressed Gardener Monty Don

Hirsutes You, Sir! Dawn Isaac

Yawn Chorus Award David Domoney and Matthew Appleby

Missing in Action Emma Townsend (winner 2010)

A Good Sport Cleve West

Ooh, Get Her! Anne Wareham

Gardening’s Got Talent Three men went to mow

The OMG! Gardening Awards 2011

What???  You thought you’d seen the last of the OMG! Gardening Awards, well think again. It’s back for 2011, although I hasten to add, not bigger or better, just back.  For those that don’t know what the hell I’m wittering on about, let me explain…

Every year the great and the good of the gardening world, along with some of the not so good, gather at a secret location in London to witness an act of debauchery known as The Garden Media Guild (GMG) Awards.  Apparently, this year’s event is being held on November 30th, when a string of glittering gongs, boasting a blinginess that out dazzles the Academy Award trophy or ‘Oscar’ (it’s actually a photocopied certificate in an Ikea picture frame , Ed) will be dished out to winners of categories such as Best Journalist, Best Magazine and Lifetime Achievement Award.

Well, the OMG! Gardening Awards is the antithesis of the fusty old GMG Awards (the only thing they have in common is an annoying acronym) and was established in 2009 by a group of industry heavyweights. Inspired by the infamous Smash Hits Poll Winners Party of yesteryear and the BRAT Awards (launched by the NME music paper as a lighter hearted, ruder version of the BRIT Awards), the OMG!s have become a refreshing left-field alternative to establishment.

So, don’t expect to find any categories here for best books, photographs or TV shows. What we like celebrate is the Most Snoggable Male, Worst Dressed Gardener and other things that really, really matter.

The rules? There aren’t any. The awards are open to all, wherever you are in the world. You can vote for anybody, whether they be a writer, author, blogger, TV star, tweeter, garden designer etc.

So come on, don’t be shy. Start voting now. The deadline for casting your votes is 11pm on November 29th and the results will be unveiled at a glittering ceremony at this very site on the morning of November 30th.

Happy voting!!

OMG! Awards 2011 – The Categories

1 Most Snoggable Male

2 Most Snoggable Female

3 Best Dressed Gardener

4 Worst Dressed Gardener

5 Hirsutes You, Sir! (gardener with the best facial hair – male or female) Click HERE for inspiration

6 Yawn Chorus Award (gardener with an over inflated opinion of themselves, who bores the pants off the rest of us)

7 Missing in Action (the blogger, writer, gardener etc who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth)

8 A Good Sport (gardener most likely to take part in the 2012 Olympics)

9 Ooh, Get Her! (a special award given to a prima donna or person most likely to throw a tantrum if they don’t get their own way)

10 Gardening’s Got Talent (person with a secret gift that would help them win a talent show)

The Hoardiculturist #9 – Old copies of the Radio Times

In the dim and distant past I used to write a strand on this blog called The Hoardiculturist, which was about my addiction to…collecting. For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m a serial hoarder and have a secret vacuum-sealed vault built into the bedrock of my house where I store all sorts of tat. Neatly filed [...]

Disappointment, heartbreak and fireworks – woeful tales of Christmases past

Bah humbug! All this festive cheer and good will to all men stuff is starting to become a bit tiresome, so I thought I’d spread a great big dollop of full-fat gloom over your yuletide log by digging into my past and telling you all about three of my worst ever Christmas experiences. Sadly, I [...]

The Return of Mystery Guess – The Answer

Some said it was a crusty old bit of Yorkshire pudding, while others thought it might be some kind of seed pod. Were they close. Nah, not even slightly warm – but thanks for taking part anyway, it’s your quiz after all. This is actually a close-up pic of the most bizarre-looking puffball that I’ve [...]

The Return of Mystery Guess

Many prayed it had been buried for all eternity after being shot by a silver bullet, but a simple villager looking for a few groats during these tough times has prised open the lead coffin that has kept Mystery Guess at bay for months only to reveal its horrendous form once more. Back to cause [...]

Winners of the OMG! Gardening Awards 2010

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please give a hearty welcome to the results of the OMG! Gardening Awards 2010. After toiling through the night crunching nominations, my crack team of statisticians have somehow managed to sort out the winners from the losers, despite such obstacles as multiple entries, nomination ambiguity and voters changing their [...]

The OMG! Gardening Awards 2010

Last year I launched The OMG! Gardening Awards as a leftfield, irreverent and proudly irrelevant alternative to the straight-laced gong show that is The Garden Media Guild Awards. Well, as you can no doubt see, I’ve decided to inject fresh blood into the withered corpse of the OMG! Gardening Awards and have resurrected it from [...]

Mystery Guess Special – Caterpillar conundrum

I know, I know. I don’t blog for an eternity and then when I do it’s a frothy little Mystery Guess. Still you’d be doing me a huuuge favour if you could flex that grey matter and have a go at this picture quiz. Why? Well, unlike other Mystery Guesses, I don’t know the answer [...]